Family Reunion
by
Tim Lieder
Step through
the bar. The men upstairs aren’t invited. Pub crawlers
prefer the dim light. They’ve spent many long nights with
reassignments. Everything is classified. It’s good for the
war effort. Come along. Step this way.
Hear the party halfway down the steps. Great Uncle Johann
passes you on the stairwell. Say hello to your Great Uncle
Johann. He’s going to the bathroom upstairs because there’s
a long line downstairs. Great Uncle Johann barely makes it
to the top. True drinker that one. He has a business fixing
bicycles outside of Austria.
Everyone is happy. It’s a big rented room; much brighter,
much warmer. Yes, you see sad faces because of Alois, but
Alois will be home soon. He’s having a great time at camp.
He writes every month to say how much he regrets ever
helping Communists. Don’t dwell too much on Alois. It’s a
party. Unemployment is down. Economy is up. We all have
jobs.
Look. Aunt Helen is just rushing around the room. She’s
been working on this party for weeks. When she calms down,
ask her about the boy who tried to steal apples from her
back yard.
“He was unashamed,” she’ll say, “he really thought that my
back yard was his personal garden. I would have given him
anything, but he took the apples.”
You will hear clicking tongues. Aunt Patricia will say that
the boy was probably a gypsy or a Jew. We try to stop Aunt
Patricia from being so blunt. Aunt Helen will say no, he
wasn’t Jewish; he was a good Aryan boy and his uncle is a
member of the Polizei. Officially nothing happened but the
officer was ready to put his nephew on the Western Front.
The boy never stole apples again.
The story varies depending on Helen’s mood. She talks about
the new police force, so much nicer than the old group. A
government that pays for law and order gets law and order.
Second or third cousin Claudius claims that the story only
means that Aunt Helen is just bitter and
old.
That’s
Claudius’s brother, Augustus, on the Eastern wall trying to
get everyone to sing an old drinking song. They aren’t
singing. Augustus has a Roman nose to go with his Roman
name. Their sister Julia is named after Julius Ceasar. See
her? She’s at the snack table devouring bratwurst and
sauerkraut. She’s pregnant and eats for twelve. Tears of
joy run down her face and ruin her make-up. Sometimes her
eyes get so puffy from crying that she wears sunglasses.
Wind your way through these relatives and friends of
relatives. How is your mother? That’s great. Here’s Adolph.
He’s sitting a little ways off. He doesn’t hear too good
but he’s sharp. Talk just a little loud. He’s our birthday
boy. 930 years old today. What? Yes, just kidding. It’s a
little joke and sorry Adolph. I didn’t mean to joke about
your…he can’t hear too well.
Don’t stare. I know he’s shaking like he’s already in the
next world. You see the glassy eyes and it’s hard to
remember how he used to scare everyone. Anna says that when
she was a young girl - sometime after the ice age – he used
to yell at her for stealing apples. I think it was the same
apple tree in Helen’s back yard.
He lied when he went into the army. He was only 17 but it
was the happiest time of his life. He warned us that if we
ate left-handed they wouldn’t let us in. Imagine living in
the Golden Age from Faust to the Autobahn.
We found his
diaries when he was courting Eva – that’s our great great
great great – I forget – grandmother; he would say that she
was made for him. He called her his soul mate and he meant
it. It sounds almost beautiful.
You wouldn’t know it to look at him with his thick glasses,
his yellow sweater and his hands trembling over a gold
watch. Life changed him. Eva died in 1935. They were
inseparable. He never resented her for opening his eyes to
the world. I think it still makes him sad to lose his old
family, but he chose Eva. He lived well.
We signed a non-aggression pact. It’s temporary. Communism
will fall. Adolph should be happy. He’s not even looking at
the blue paper “Happy Birthday Adolph” on the western wall.
Grandpa Adolph is an unhappy man. We love him but I think
he knows that we’re saying goodbye.
See the great fat man with the long white hair and the burn
mark on his forehead. That’s your great great uncle Dane.
He’s going to sit next to Adolph with his wife taking a
picture. Dane is Adolph’s oldest son. It doesn’t seem fair.
Adolph is slumped over with shrinking bones; Dane is
growing fatter and fatter. See that scar on his forehead?
He’s had it since he was a teenager. He was riding along
with Abbot and they both fell off the side of the road.
Abbot broke his neck. Dane loved Abbot. Look at him in his
silk suit and his party pin. Isn’t he just bursting with
the exuberance?
Look. It’s Patty. Patricia. I’m sorry. Don’t call her
Patty. She hates it. That’s Rudolph next to her. He looks
so tall and handsome in his uniform? Just like Laurence
Olivier. He’s the youngest man in our village to join the
SS. He’s personally disinfected several districts in
Europe. And he’s going to marry Patty. Rudolph hasn’t asked
yet but it’s only a matter of time. If we’re lucky, Officer
Schmidt will be putting in an appearance.
Don’t worry about Alois. He was always a bad kid. He once
tied a cat to a light post and threw rocks at it. If he’s
having a bad time, he deserves it.
Aunt Patricia is talking to cousin Gottleib. Yes. Gottleib
gives one the impression that he’s floating off the ground.
His eyes are so blue. Patricia is bragging. She negotiated
a great deal on the house because Jews once lived in it.
Gottleib is nodding.
See Roger, Patricia’s father, in the South corner at the
poker game? He’s the hairy one. He’s trying to get Rudolph
to join. Looks like…see he’s sitting down, right next to
Uncle Francis and Aunt Jasmine. I hope they aren’t too hard
on him. Roger shouldn’t rob his future son-in-law. Roger is
already attaining so many new government contracts from
Rudolph’s influence.
Johann just moved to the radio. That’s why you hear the
horse race. I’d hate you to think that the entire family
gambles. We drink too much. We smoke but no one in this
family has lost his house on a poker game to a Jewish
gangster. You won’t find us running numbers with negroes
like they do in New York City. Johann, get away from the
radio. I don’t care how…ok he lost. He’s turning it off.
Johann is a child at heart. He’s a weapons manufacturer and
he can’t think of anywhere to spend his money beyond
betting on horses. His family would eat oysters from silver
plates if he never gambled.
No. George get away. Don’t look at George. George is drunk.
He’s almost as fat as Dane. His sons are just as dirty.
Stand away and you might not smell him. See that one over
there? Hal. George’s son. That’s a recessive gene on his
mother’s side. George is pure Aryan.
Just between you and me I think that George is trying to
emulate The Brothers Karamazov. Only he’s that crazy
servant. Alois was the Ivan, the know-it-all, but George
has always been standing in Alois’s shadow. We could
respect Alois because he knew what he was talking about.
George only spews profanity and attitude. George thinks
we’re all stupid. Look at him. He’s munching on chips,
wiping his nose on his sleeve and he says we’re savages.
He’s always combing those three strands of hair over his
pointy bald head. His children and his half-gypsy wife are
no better. No, I don’t know that she’s really half-gypsy.
If I did, I’d arrest her. That woman steals things.
Just between you and me, George may not be around much
longer.
Hello! Guten Tag! Guten Abend! Stand up. Salute. It’s
Officer Schmidt. If Rudolph is falling off his chair to
salute, you better stand. Officer Schmidt is such an old
fashioned gentleman when he picks up Rudolph’s cards and
pats him on the head.
“Best hand I’ve had all night, Sir,” says Rudolph with only
the trace of a smile. Rudolph is a very disciplined lad.
He’ll go far. See the way his hair doesn’t move. Not a
trace of a wrinkle on his uniform.
“Reminds me of the time…” says Officer Schmidt. He tells a
story about three polacks that came running at his
squadron. They soiled themselves when they saw the
uniforms. Five of his men received medals just for
accepting the surrender. The Polish front was filled with
action – poker action, cribbage action, blackjack every
night. They captured laundry lines and confiscated
footballs.
Don’t worry about great aunt Helen. You can’t help it when
she makes everyone sing Deutschland Uber Alles. You saw her
blue dress? Yes. The newspapers reported that the Fuhrer’s
favorite color was blue. Of course she’s embarrassing
Officer Schmidt. He’s a gentleman. Oh no. George is coming
up to Officer Schmidt. Elaine puts her hand on his arm, but
she can’t stop him. It’s like that time last September when
he threw bread crumbs in the Rhine. No one could stop him
then either.
“I always hated that song, Officer Schmidt,” George
says. He’s all
chummy. He’s got his greasy hand on Officer Schmidt’s
uniform. “I hate all patriotic songs. I watched tanks roll
by for four hours to celebrate the Fuhrer’s birthday or
bowel movement and I don’t know how you can stand it all
the time.”
That’s our George. Poor Rudolph looks stricken. Roger is
holding his chest but he’s not showing his cards. Don’t
worry. Might just be the sausage and the wine. Even poor
Adolph is distressed. Look at him shaking and trembling. I
bet he’s expecting Eva to come down the stairs.
Yet Officer Schmidt just smiles and says that George
doesn’t have to sing. He even laughs generously. A good
German should internalize his pride without the songs, but
the songs help the Fatherland. A true gentleman can give
rebuke without anger or spite. George looks embarrassed.
Helen is stammering out an apology even as Officer Schmidt
retreats to the dessert table.
Johann is talking to another cousin talking about split
atoms. Yes. It’s a decadent Jewish idea but not without
merit. Claudius is preaching to strange cousins. They are
laughing about a girl that would never fornicate until
marriage, but drowned five months before her wedding.
Augustus has drafted three of the children - I think they
are Julia’s kids - to sing tunes from The Flying Dutchman.
Augustus’ own son is spinning around five times with a beer
stein balanced on his head. It keeps falling but he catches
it every time. The child wears lederhosen.
Gottleib puts his hand on Adolph’s shoulder. He has tears
in his eyes. George is sitting on the other side of Adolph.
George is leaning into him as if he’s delivering
confidential information but everyone can hear him.
“I hate this family. I hate you. You fucked us all into
existence, Grampa. Look at us now. Aren’t you proud?
Augustus is a suicide waiting to happen. Patty is engaged
to an SS shit because she’s pregnant and he’s gay. Did you
know that your precious Helen was in with the bohemians in
the 1890s? She still has the pictures. Now she’s racial
purity and fake morality. Johann can win more money and
piss in everyone’s face. Helen kills apple thieves. War is
coming and we’re going to make money.”
Damnation and hellfire, I’m sorry. George doesn’t know what
he’s saying. Why is Gottleib crying? Adolph turns to George
with a sad, scared look. His hands are trembling.
“Who are you?” he says. George doesn’t answer. He just
stumbles away. If you watch him long enough he’s going to
fall. Adolph is shaking. Damn George. Grampa Adolph has
heard enough. Tomorrow we’ll pretend that nothing happened.
George always ruins everything. Have you seen his wife?
She’s a fat swollen whore.
Dane is leaning on Officer Schmidt. George has wandered
back to Adolph. No wait, he is standing with his hand on
George’s arm. He’s telling George something.
“Hello George. Did Adolph kick you out?”
“No,” says
George. “He just gave me an address of an old friend and
told me to survive.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Ask Gottleib. I think he knows.”
“Where is Gottleib?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you think it’s wise?”
“I don’t think,” says George. George grabs his sons and his
wife and they leave. Hal is yelling at George. I don’t know
why they were rushing off. Don’t ask them. They might stay.
Hello Helen. Beautiful party. Don’t strain yourself. See
those worry lines around Helen’s mouth. She thinks that
she’s going to have a heart attack. Officer Schmidt thinks
you’re beautiful. Relax. You’re dazzling him. She’s
persecuting him; don’t tell her. Aunt Helen is very
sensitive.
Julia is spitting on her husband. She even throws off her
sunglasses. Ludwig is too drunk to fight back but he
laughs. He knows how to treat a lady and he knows how to
treat a whore. I wish they wouldn’t fight. Julia’s child
will be the strength of Germany. Julia could have been a
great concert pianist. Now Brahms and Mozart are distant
memories. Ludwig stomps away. He always shows restraint
when Julia gets in her mood.
Dane is laughing with Officer Schmidt. Good things will
emerge. He’s talking about black sheep. I wish he wouldn’t
speak so openly to outsiders. Adolph is walking to them.
He’s leaning heavily on his cane but he’s walking. His hand
reaches out and grabs Dane’s arm for balance. He’s gasping.
“I…I remember,” says Adolph, looking Officer Schmidt
directly in the eyes.
Officer Schmidt puts his hand on Adolph to hold him up.
Officer Schmidt treats him like Grampa was his own
grandfather. Adolph’s speech comes out between gasps and
wheezing but he sounds clear.
“I remember I left my family. Eva wanted me to leave the
Yeshiva. I couldn’t refuse her. I needed her. My friends
wondered what would happen. We were such idealists. Some of
us really believed that Rashi, Gemara and Maimonides
belonged in the past. We’d be the new Jews of Goethe and
Voltaire. We were German citizens with Jewish religion. We
were enlightened and you enlightened us. You burned the
building down.”
Adolph stands around looking at the family. He smiles in
his skull. Officer Schmidt is still smiling but less
warmly. Helen looks around to see if anyone can prevent his
outburst. Not all of us have tainted blood. You can’t blame
us for our ancestors.
“We had all of these dreams. I don’t know where to look for
us now. You aren’t going to murder us. We’re hiding in
America, in Russia and Palestine. We’ll build our own
thousand-year empire. The Zionists are crazy. You made them
sane. Dane knows. He’s a good paper pusher and I know what
he does. Everyone in this room contaminates your Empire.”
Adolph smiles. His eyes are wide. Rudolph is choking an
excuse. Grampa collapses on Officer Schmidt and everything
comes out of him. He’s pissing on Officer Schmidt’s
uniform. Patricia is crying.
“You can’t leave,” she screams to Rudolph. Rudolph is
trying to restrain Officer Schmidt. Hapsturmfuhrer Winston
Schmidt just says that he trusts Rudolph will perform his
duties with honor. He leaves a minute before Rudolph
punches Patty in the face. There’s no joy in his action.
Johann turns off the radio and goes to the telephone.
Augustus stands stiller than time. Dane walks out the door.
“Jews,” says Rudolph with a shudder.
“Jews.”
Go home. The
party’s over. No one checks Adolph. Helen should be leading
him back to the home, but she’s too livid to speak.
Everyone can wait for the knock on the door. There’s always
a knock on the door.
* * *
Later that evening, Helen drives Adolph home. He hobbles in
slowly but she leaves before his third step. The radio
plays broadcasts. Outside, the children play in the street
and chant “Kill the Dirty Jews.” She goes home and turns on
her own radio. “Deutschland Uber Alles” follows “The Ride
of the Valkyries.” She bakes her husband a cupcake. It’s
filled with cyanide. She eats half.
* * *
In a place near Bonn at the end of street known for
prostitutes, a man named Wolfgang Wagner lives comfortably
and alone. His father’s uncle was Richard Wagner, or so he
claims. He loves the Ring Trilogy. His blond hair has
turned white. He shaves every morning. He goes to the
barber every month. If you look into his steel blue eyes
you’ll know that he is Nietzche’s fantasy made flesh.
Wolfgang Wagner is a watchmaker and jeweler. He repairs
timepieces – a craftsman in an age of factory imitation.
Everyone loves him. He never says an unkind word; many
customers have never paid for his services. He trusts that
they will honor their debt.
He has been a Nazi since 1933. He even campaigned for an SA
office in the town hall well before it became mandatory.
The Communists threw fire on his shop but he put it out and
the Nazis helped him rebuild. They even helped him build
the secret part of the house – the small room on the other
side of his closet. George lives in that room with his wife
and three sons. They fight in hisses and whispers and
glares.
Copyright
2008 by Tim Lieder